Zack’s Lube Guide
Let’s say I’ve tried my fair share of lubes on the market, whether alone or with partners (Female, Male, or whatever). Below, you’ll find all the lubes I’ve tried over the years. Not all lubes are created equal, and whether you’re looking for the smoothest ride or just trying to avoid a disaster, this guide ranks lubes from the best to the absolute worst.
I haven’t tried D and F tiers, but I can guarantee you shouldn’t either.
S-Tier (Godly, Life-Changing, Worth Every Drop)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 💧 Water-based | Bad Dragon Cum Lube (Clear) | Non-sticky, toy-safe, slippery af | None! | Bad Dragon (US), Bad Ben’s Lube Shop (UK), Gear Berlin (EU) (Quite Pricey) | Everyday use, big toys, anal sex |
| 💧🧪 Water-based/Powder | X-Lube | Toy-safe, slippery af, adjustable thickness, you literally cannot run out (Makes up to 20 Liters) | Needs preparation upfront, goes bad because it lacks citric acid | Amazon (DE), X-Lube | Vaginal, anal, big toys, fisting |
A-Tier (Reliable, Solid Choices)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 💧 Water-based | Liquid Silk | Slippery like silicone, easy to clean | Slightly pricier, can burn a little (at least for me) | Amazon, fetish stores | Everything (except big things), not great for anal but personal preference |
| 💧 Water-based | Sliquid Sassy | Slippery, easy to clean, all-around fun lube | Slightly pricier, dries a bit fast | Amazon, fetish stores | Everything (except big things) |
| 💧 Water-based | Bad Dragon Cum Lube (White) | Non-sticky, toy-safe, slippery af, looks like cum | The pigment agent used is questionable (balanced with citric acid) | Bad Dragon (US), Bad Ben’s Lube Shop (UK), Gear Berlin (EU) (Quite Pricey) | Everyday use, big toys, anal sex |
| 🚀 Silicone-based | Pjur Original/Pjur Backdoor | Long-lasting, ultra-smooth | Not safe for silicone toys, texture can feel weird if not used to it, stains everything | Literally everywhere | Long sessions, anal sex (bareback) |
| 🥥 Coconut oil | - | Natural, smells great, very smooth | Not safe with latex condoms, can ruin bed sheets, questionable for vaginal use | Grocery stores, organic shops | Massage, solo play, anal (but more friction) |
| 🛢️ Oil-based | Crisco | Natural, very slippery | Not safe with latex condoms, can ruin bed sheets, questionable for vaginal use | Underground-Fetish | Anal, big toys, fisting |
B-Tier (Good, But With Caveats)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 💧 Water-based | EasyGlide Anal Lubricant | Non-sticky, toy-safe | Dries out fast, can be clumpy | EasyToys | Everyday use, anal sex |
| 💧 Water-based | Cobeco BodyLube Waterbased | Non-sticky, toy-safe | Dries out fast, contains glycerin (may upset anally) | Amazon, EasyToys | Everyday use, anal sex, personally prefer it over their Anal Lube (for anal) |
| 🚀 Silicone-based | Swiss Navy Silicone Lubricant | Pretty solid (DO NOT GET THEIR Premium Anal Silicone variant) | Will stain, more friction than I’d like | Amazon, Bol, wherever | Anal (bareback) |
C-Tier (Desperate Times, Desperate Measures)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 💊 Basic drugstore lubes | Generic brands | Cheap and accessible | Can get sticky or dry fast, most contain ingredients that may upset your biome (vaginal or anal) | Local pharmacies, drugstores | Occasional use, backup option |
| 🚀 Silicone-based | Swiss Navy Premium Anal Silicone Lubricant | It lubes | Will stain, smells funny, can burn if allergic to clove leaf | Amazon, Bol, wherever | Anal (bareback)? |
| 💦 Spit | - | Always available | Dries out instantly | N/A | Absolute last resort |
| 🛢️ Oils & Petroleum | Olive oil, Vaseline | Works in a pinch | Ruins condoms, hard to clean, olive oil can burn a little (anally), Vaseline increases friction (your booty hole hot) | Grocery stores, drugstores | Massage, non-latex activities |
D-Tier (Why Would You Do This?)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🧴 Soap, lotion | Body wash, lotion | Slippery at first | Causes irritation and dryness, burns (anally) | Supermarkets, pharmacies | Nothing, avoid |
| 🧈 Butter, margarine | - | Technically slick | Why are you even considering this? | Grocery stores | Cooking, not this |
F-Tier (Why Aren’t You Dead?)
| Type | Name | Pros | Cons | Where to Buy | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🔥 Menthol products | Vicks, Icy Hot | None | Extreme burning, potential medical issues | Drugstores, pharmacies | Pranks, if you hate someone |
| 🧼 Hand sanitizer | - | None | Painful, dries skin, chemical exposure | Everywhere, but please don’t! | Germ-killing, not intimacy |
tl;dr: Bad Dragon Cum Lube (Clear) or X-Lube (If you ain’t lazy).